EasyReader™️ There’s nothing like a good book but holding it at eye level is absolute agony! Luckily your arms are saved thanks to our debut harness featuring two conveniently placed hands at the optimal reading angle. Strap in and let your mind (and hands!) wander away into your book!

The CrispyCase™️ Never be without a place to put your @budlight with this revolutionary iPhone case. Gone are the days of wasting two hands to hold your iPhone and an ice cold Crispy Boy. Our oversized case fits snug to your precious device while quickly unfolding to be the ultimate place to rest a can. Just imagine all the things you’ll be able to accomplish with a free hand.

The InstaTinsel™️ Decorate your Christmas Tree in record time. Our new breakthrough device shoots your Christmas ornaments across the room and perfectly onto the tree. Stop wasting your time with each useless decoration so you can have more time for EggNog! This air powered cannon will become a new Christmas tradition!

BulkPods™️ Where the hell did my left AirPod go?! It’s time to buy your AirPods en masse so your ears are never without their precious sound sticks. Our extraordinary charging case comes equipped with enough AirPods for when inevitably lose them each week. The included carrying lanyard will be the ultimate flex when this on your side. But wait did someone take my charge cord??

The Unnecessary Inventions Online Store™️ The board of directors finally had enough with my R&D and they are forcing me to open an online store (link in bio). A curated selection of my most popular Unnecessary Inventions are now available to purchase including the Turtle-Zipper-Neck, Pizza Fanny Pack, Baguette Pack, and more. After months of enduring “Shut up and take money” comments, the time has finally come for me to fulfill your demanding requests. Head over to the shop now before I change my mind.

Family Feud Fender™️ The holidays are here which means it’s time for some overly stressful family time! Show them when you’ve simply had enough by effortlessly unraveling our signature facial block device and remove yourself from the drama. Now is Uncle Steve drunk at Thanksgiving again?!

Sleep Snorkel™️ Catch some Zzzz’s while you catch your breath. Sometimes you gotta just sleep with a pillow above your head but you also slowly suffocate yourself in the process. Now our ground breaking pillow technology allows optimal airflow into your precious lungs. Insert the wide mouth piece and smother your face with that pillow in peace. Also works great if your worried someone might be trying to kill you in your sleep!

Ok Chia Boomer™️ Your new house plant with a guaranteed future of prosperous growth has arrived! Our signature terra cotta pot features a gorgeous baby boomer sporting a concerned & judging look based on all your life decisions. Simply wet his head and lay down the soil and seeds that without effort will grow into the most lush and fruitful plant. Never before has a plant been able to make you question how your life ended up how it has!

The NogScarf™️ Stay Warm and Get Toasted! This holiday season when you are out singing your carols, strap on this festive scarf with built in transparent pouches to chug down your eggnog. A long plastic straw protrudes from the scarf so the ultimate drinking ease. Fa-la-la-la I’m drunk.

The Zucker-Rug™️ Facebook for the bathroom! Thankfully Facebook has a close watch on every aspect of our lives except in the bathroom...until now. This revolutionary bathmat has moisture sensors to know when you shower, sound recording for the sink, and smell-o-vision for when you use the toilet - all reported back to Facebook! Why did I start getting ads for teeth whitening kits though?!

Burst Your Bubble Belt Buckle™️ Long day at work or simply fed up with life? Strap on our newest form of relaxation to your favorite belt and let it all out! With this special utility device, reach a moment of zen through the comfort of popping an endless stream of bubble wrap. Upgrade to the ASMR expansion pack with a built in headphone jack! Now will you get out of my space...I’m trying to relax.